Will Moving Abroad Make You Happy? The Reality No One Talks About
Will moving abroad make you happy? It’s the quiet question many of us Google somewhere between searching for flights and packing the third suitcase.
I’m coming up on the one-year mark since leaving the U.S., and I thought my research had prepared me. I imagined I’d be nestled into a new country, a new business, a new community, and a new home with all my carefully curated/downsized belongings within arm’s reach.
That’s not exactly what happened.
At first, everything did feel electric. New cities. New food. A fresh start. But eventually, being abroad becomes less of a movie trailer and more like real life, complete with bad Wi-Fi, bureaucratic headaches, and emotional dips no one warns you about.
What rarely gets talked about is the stretch after the honeymoon fades, but before clarity or mastery shows up. That uncomfortable middle where you wonder whether this is part of the process or proof that you’ve messed everything up.
Spoiler: It’s part of the process. It’s NOT just you.
1. The Honeymoon Is Over (and Now It’s Just… Tuesday)
At some point, the novelty wears off. Living abroad stops feeling like a bold life decision and starts feeling like, well… life.
You still need groceries.
You still need reliable internet.
You still need to meet the people who will eventually become your tribe.
After you’ve experienced the “Top 10 Things to Do in [this city],” the days start to stretch out. Not in a bad way, just in a real way. The move no longer feels like a transformation montage. It feels like a life that hasn’t fully settled yet.
This is usually when doubt creeps in.
Not because anything dramatic happened, but because it didn’t. The excitement faded and what replaced it was ordinary.
No one really prepared you for this part. The part where the dream did not implode, but it also didn’t immediately deliver clarity, peace, or your so-called “best life”.
This isn’t failure. This is fantasy meeting reality.
This is where I am.
2. The In-Between Chapter (A Well-Guarded Secret)
You’re no longer newly arrived and energized, but you’re not settled, fluent, or confident either. You’re mid-transition, living inside unanswered question
The country might not feel like “the one.” Your income stream might still be forming. The new, fabulous identity you expected to step into hasn’t shown up yet.
For me, that looks like this: a stalled visa process, a business still in its fledgling stage, continuous housing changes, and 3 out of 4 suitcases still waiting to join me from the U.S. And my secret dream of fellow queer, Black, kinky, spiritual seekers (a lot to ask, I know 😉)…elusive.
This isn’t what I envisioned. I started wondering if I’d made a mistake.
Turns out, this is just a phase of moving abroad.
January makes this harder. Culturally, it demands clarity. Goals. Resolutions. Five-year plans carved into stone tablets.
But I am living without final answers right now. It’s the time of learning by doing. To approach challenges with curiosity. That does not translate well to New Year’s energy.
So let’s reframe.
Are you lost? Hell No! You’re in transition.
Are you failing? Nope. You’re recalibrating.
Transition isn’t a problem to fix. It is a real chapter, just one without a neat conclusion yet.
3. Why Geography Doesn’t Do the Work For You
One of the quiet myths of moving abroad is that location will do the heavy lifting.
Change the country and everything else will fall into place. Yeah…no.
Sometimes it feels that way at first. The honeymoon phase is real … and it’s delightful. Novelty floods your brain with endorphins.
Then comes the friction. Language barriers. Loneliness. Systems that don’t make sense yet. Simple tasks that take three times the effort.
Eventually, things begin to smooth out. You adapt. You build routines. Life becomes more navigable.
This pattern is so common it’s almost boring. This dip is not personal, it’s structural.
If you’re tired, frustrated, or questioning yourself, it doesn’t mean you chose wrong. It usually just means you’re human.
Geography changes your environment. It can’t bypass the adjustment phase. It can’t do the inner work for you. And it certainly can’t protect you from discomfort.
4. When the In-Between Meets Depression
This part may be me-specific, but I doubt I’m alone.
Before leaving the U.S., I worked with my doctor to wean myself off antidepressants. I worried about access while bouncing between countries, and honestly, I’d already been thinking about flying solo again.
If I’d known what this year would bring, I might have made a different call.
Depression doesn’t pause because you moved abroad. Burnout doesn’t dissolve at customs. Emotional fatigue doesn’t care how beautiful the view is.
Uncertainty stacks up. Visas. Money. Housing. Identity. Who knows what else? This constant low-level static wears you down.
Can’t find joy in embracing the unknown? Sometimes the most radical self-care isn’t adventure or growth, it’s stability. That may mean returning to tools that helped before, like therapy, medication, or meditation.
There is no failure in that. There’s only caring.
5. The Myth of the “Best Life” (and Other Marketing Lies
Somewhere along the way, “living my best life” stopped being a phrase and became a measuring stick.
It suggests there’s one correct path that you either discover or miss. Choose wisely and life rewards you with abundance. Choose wrong and… good luck with that.
This makes for great marketing. It’s also fantastic for producing guilt and shame.
When the promised glow-up doesn’t arrive on schedule, another panic often kicks in: Maybe I just haven’t found my passion yet.
But passion is hard to access when your nervous system is overloaded. And moving abroad is, uhm… stimulating.
Look, you don’t need to love your life every minute of the day to be on the right path. You don’t need a passion that makes you feel constantly inspired, aligned, or creatively on fire. You need something that doesn’t drain you.
Real lives are built through experimentation. Trying things. Noticing what drains you. Letting go of what looked good on paper but felt wrong in reality.
When it comes to moving abroad, having an ordinary life doesn’t mean you failed. Struggling until you’re Instagram-fabulous, does not mean you succeeded. Neither choice should carry moral weight.
Success can be quieter. Temporary decisions. Small stability. Momentum instead of certainty.
Anyone claiming life unfolds in a straight line is either selling something or deeply confused.
6. What Actually Helps in the Middle
What helps is rarely glamorous.
Small stabilizers. Dance. Nature. Chocolates 😜. Familiar rituals that anchor you when everything else is in flux.
Routines matter as much as revelations. You don’t need clarity about the next five years. You need to know where you can go dancing and when you stop working for the day.
It can also help to treat a place as an incubator, not a forever decision. A base that supports you while you build skills, income, and confidence. Not a verdict for the rest of your life.
This chapter is still yours, even if it feels dominated by logistics, bureaucracy, and uncertainty.
✨Final Thoughts
Would I undo my decision to move abroad? No way.
Do I have all the answers yet? Also no. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t coming.
I’m still building. Still learning. Still adjusting.
This chapter counts, even if it does not photograph well. If you’re in the middle and wondering whether it is supposed to feel this way, the answer is yes. More often than people admit.
You’re not behind.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re simply in a chapter that asks for trust in the universe instead of certainty.
📝 If you’re in the middle of a move, a transition, or a season without clear answers, you’re not alone. If you want to share where you are right now, or simply say “Same,” the comments are open.
